Well this is it, the start of my journey – getting real!
Before the New Year, I was devoid of any motivation. My physical being was limiting me, and I was allowing it to, by not realising the reality of it all. The reality was of course that I was not acknowledging my own self. The regime of treatment that I had been on was no longer effective, and for some crazy reason I thought I could muddle through and simply keep going. I clearly remember the Specialist Nurse saying to me “you’ve had a really crap year, do you think you can carry on like this?”
Thinking back to January, it was kind of like a switch had been flicked on. I had been on some new treatment for an underlying medical condition for about 3 months, and although the Consultant had said that it may take that amount of time to kick in, I really wasn’t sure.
But I’m pleased to say the New Year brought new energy and new hope. I was beginning to feel brighter, less fatigued, and much less symptomatic. With this new found energy, the fog was beginning to lift. It felt like the right time to do something to enhance my health and take an active part in my own healing.
It was time to step up!
I had been toying with the idea of yoga, and just decided to enrol myself on a 6 week beginner course. What did I have to lose? It could only help surely? It wasn’t as if I had joined some hard-core aerobics class that within the first 3 minutes would have had me passed out on the floor, as my body went into complete meltdown and shock!
Instead Yoga was calm and peaceful. It helped me to restore my focus and enjoyment in exercise again. Booking the course meant that I had committed myself to the class each week. I had committed myself to me, taking some time to focus on my well-being.
I realised I needed to let go of this belief that I could do this on my own, I was not being honest with myself. I felt like I had failed if I accepted the situation, accepted that the results in black and white in front of me were true, and that further intervention was inevitable. Reflecting back on it now, what on earth was I thinking?!
Only now in a calm state of remission can I see how easy it is to ignore stuff. To keep pursuing a path because it’s the easiest route to follow. Because ultimately who does it serve? It certainly wasn’t me, or my family that’s for sure. Although in my head I thought I had it all under control, I’d never let my underlying condition define me, by not complaining or speaking out about it much, it had created a way of being that wasn’t allowing me to be truly me.
This was the beginning of my journey along the road to healing and health. This was the year that I was going to take charge, get real, and devote some time to loving me a bit more.
Starting anything new whether it is yoga, running or any other form of exercise, I would just say do it for you. Give yourself the time and permission to go and do it. I needed to do this. I needed to give myself permission to take the time away from the mum jobs, the housework, and my business. As a result I’ve got more energy to all of these things now. Starting was most definitely the hardest thing, from sending that email to enquire about the class, to making that step out of the door to get to yoga. I’ve been there, and I procrastinated about it – a lot!!
The goal for me about getting fitter was never really about improving my waistline. (although my clothes do now fit better, and I no longer have to jump into my favourite slim jeans from a great height to squeeze everything into them!!!)
The goal was to help my body in the healing process, to nourish it better, to respect it more, and to feel stronger and more energised.
So what’s next? Well the journey continues beyond that of yoga, and how I decided running might a good idea!